Friday, March 28, 2008

Manage your conflicts

Some kind of conflicts can be very poisonous.

I have seen many people been really affected when this happened in their private life, as well as in their work place.
When it is not managed in time, it can become very disproportionated in relation to the initial disagreement.

Conflicts are sometimes necessary because they are one of the ways you can affirm your personality. So don’t systematically avoid them.
But there are many other ways to affirm your personality as well, so don’t let it become a habit. And keep in mind that conflict which lasts, can become a mental prison. It takes all your energy and thought, and prevents your light from shining through.

If you live that kind of situation, stop thinking the way people usually do in those cases: “Who is right and who is wrong, who first started, etc...” That is very infantile, and it appeals only to one kind of solution: Parental (hierarchic) control of the situation.
Take a pen, and write on a paper when this started, and why it started.
If it started a long time ago, you maybe have forgotten why it started. ( Some people stay so long in conflict that they sometimes forgot the reason of the initial disagreement). If that is your case, it is really time to change.
Why did this started. Question yourself, is the motive so important that you have to lose all your energy on it, that you take the risk to compromise your credibility ( or objectivity)?

“What can I do? He or she is always looking for confrontation?” That is the most frequent answer I had.

Maybe you are right, but you have to know that if you can’t change someone else, you can change your own behavior, and in this way, force the person to change their behavior towards you.

First of all, refuse to communicate emotionally.

Try to understand without emotion what this person is really trying to tell you. Is it understandable for you?

Secondly, start communicating with him or her in a positive manner.

Reestablish a positive communication. “I understand your concern, and…” or “It is important for me to understand your concern,…..”

Thirdly, stay positive.

In your dialog, stay positive. Retell this person's idea in a positive manner, and tell your own idea with positive words.

Positive communication is a nice way to refuse the mental prison in which some kind of conflicts can maintain you. By changing your method of communication, you will bring positive energy, and force people around you to change.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The magic of meditation

During my coaching sessions, I used to ask my clients to meditate. And most of the time, their answer was: “Meditation? But I don’t know how to meditate…I have never learned…”
Maybe we should start initiating our kids to the art of meditation….
For me, meditation is the thing I use in period of big trouble (stress, conflicts, fears, etc…)
You can use many methods.

Here is mine:

Just find for a few moments a quiet place. You can put music on (peaceful music) if you want. The important thing is that you have to ensure that no aggressive sound will disturb you.
Lay down on your back. You have to be comfortable.
Then close your eyes and start your meditation.
I often had this reflection from my clients:” I have tried once, but I couldn’t empty my mind. That’s too hard.”
My response was: “You are doing it wrong; you must not start a meditation by trying to stop your thoughts! That’s impossible!!!”
If you try that way, surely you will never succeed! You have to let your mind (soul) go where it wants. Don’t try to control your thoughts! Don’t try…..and you’ll see, it will go far far away from the initial point. Thus, you will evacuate all your parasites thoughts till you reach “the highest level”.

Here is my tip:

If you are a beginner, choose the word “peace” to start your meditation. That means that you should close your eyes and mentally repeat this word and think of all images associated.
By “highest level “, I mean that very nice state (for the body and the soul) where you finally find yourself. I won’t try to describe it because it is very different from an individual to another.One thing is certain, that state “washes” you from all your negative energy, and charges you with positive energy.
Have a good meditation!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Interview with Flora Sicot

My guest today is Flora Sicot. She is an excellent pianist, jazz and gospel singer. She studied classical piano at the conservatoire, and then turned to Jazz and gospel.
Now, she is a pianist-singer and works mostly with 
The new Orleans Gospel Quartet
Here are two links where you can hear her wonderful voice!

Besides, she is the very busy mum of two cute kids.

What impress me with Flora is that she goes through life with a big smile on her face.

The interview:

Me: For how long have you been playing with “Kirby memory”?
Flora: We needed one year to create the repertoire. That was a lot of work (search for the musical scores, musical arrangement, etc….), and we started playing about 2 years ago.

Me: What are your goals in music?Flora: I’d liked to create several projects….One in jazz (piano, songs, string bass, drums), with new runs and arrangement of old standards; another one with soul, afro, gospel ambiance and brass section.For now, I want to work on my piano and my voice. I am still beginning.Me: Do you believe in your lucky star?Flora: Yes, I think we all have one,…but I believe in God, he is my lucky star.Me: Do you have times of doubts?Flora: Every…!! Most seriously, there are period of doubt. But they help me awakening, and stay in the good direction… They are good if they don’t last too long.Me: How do you deal with those periods of doubts?Flora: I try to stabilize myself, to stay objective, and not being submerged…..I accept them………doubt is our own fears that we have to fight. We have to work on them in order to evolve.Me: What method do you use to find back your energy?Flora: In general, Bach flowers for emotions, Solitude to find myself……When I am really physically and morally tired, I treat myself with a shiatsu session.Me: Is it effective?Flora: Yes…I have the chance to have a profession that gives me a lot of energy, good energies… I can be tired, have a low morale, as soon as I am on repetition, I find back my energy and force. Music is magic for that. Jazz for the feelings of life and a certain nostalgia, and gospel for faith and hope.Me: What is your motto in life?Flora: I love this sentence from Hawes: “ Sow an action, you will glean a habit, Sow a habit, you will glean a personality, sow a personality, you will glean a destiny”….I am working on it.

Thank you flora for sharing.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Tips to "let go"

In a post comment, I’ve been asked to give tips on how to “let go”..

That makes me think that maybe I should develop the last part of the “letting go principle” post.

Once you have decided to apply the letting go principle in your life, the best way to succeed, is to defocus your attention from your target point. To achieve that objective, you have to find an alternative point to focus on.The best alternative points are the ones which don’t present the same risk as the first one. They have to be things, thoughts and activities in which you had found peaceful joy in the past.

Here are my tips:

1-Physical activities: Sports, yoga, and dance: all physical activities helps you to evacuate your mental tension through your body and generates endomorphines which is good for you during that period.I prefer running because it helps you clean your mental state

2-Mental activities: Chess, Sudoku etc… They require your attention.

3-Manual activities: Knitting, scrapbooking, crafting, painting, fiddling….They clean your mind in a creative and constructive way.

4-Change your environment: Put order in your room, change the position of your furnitures, Change the colors in your home, and make it takes the look of the new you.

5- Treat yourself: treat yourself like the very precious diamond you are.

6- Travel if you can: By taking a physical distance from your target, the mind will follow.

7- Break the routine: Change at least 2 routines in your everyday habits.

8-Make a list: make a numbered list of all the things you want to accomplish in your life. Put objectively your target point on that list. The order of the list should be from the more important to the less important. See the result.(Health issues are an exception, and if you do have health issues, you should be accompained by a professional.) It shouldn’t be the first of the list. This helps you to put relativity in your vision. Keep the list with care, and read it once a year.

And remember a fixation is a mental prison, that while growing, prevents your light from being reflected. “Letting go” doesn’t mean that you won’t have what you want. On the contrary, it means that you give yourself the possibility to have it by letting your light shine with all its power.

Friday, March 7, 2008

The "letting go" principle

Who never had the experience of trying to have something so hard, that you put all your energy and thought on it,….but at the end, don’t have it.

Then you start asking yourself: Why didn’t I get it? Am I unfortunate?

And you go on denigrating yourself: “I am not good”And qualify yourself with negative adjectives. ( This is the reason why the diamond has to be cleaned sometimes Cf “ the diamond in you”).

We all heard about the “letting go” principle. Philosophies, Psychologies, religions, and all the spirituals taught around the world tell us about it.

“Letting go”, so easy to say, so hard to apply, but so successful!

If you decide ( I insist on decide, as it is the sinequanone condition to all personal development path) to apply the “letting go” principle in your life, you have to be aware of the consequences of focusing on something.

Let’s take this example:

You want to visit a friend who just bought a house in a town at 1 hour from you. You never went there, so before you take the road, you print the directions.

During the trip, you focus so much on following the directions you have printed that you don’t even notice that the road is full off signs and indications on where you have to go.

You continue on following your instructions, when you find out that a few miles further, there is a traffic jam.

You finally arrive at your friend’s house 2 hour after the party ended.You have missed all the opportunities offered to you to get there on time.

Once you are conscious of the lost of lateral vision generated by focusing too much your attention on something, you can correct it by finding out things, thoughts, activities in which you find joy in, to help you defocus your attention from your target point.

Frequently, when we focus, we lose the ability to listen. So reintroduce the communication with your interior voice, and you will see the path to your goal.

Monday, March 3, 2008

The diamond in you

We should stop seeing ourselves with negative eyes, and start considering ourselves as diamonds. Every single Human soul is a diamond.

As a diamond, we have multiple facets, as a diamond, we are precious and strong, and as a diamond, we can reflect light.

The problem, is that we don't take care of that soul.
Let us consider that we decide to manage everyday a few moments for a discussion with our soul, and try to eliminate all the conflicts we can have. I am not talking about conflicts with other people, I am talking about conflicts with ourselves. Those kinds of conflicts can have important impact on our future.

Why? Because if we are not in harmony with ourselves, we will not give ourselves the possibility to do what we can do.

There are many ways to communicate with our soul. It can be meditation or contemplation, sport, art, anything we find joy in.

So Take care of your diamond, and clean it from all the dirt which has gathered on it, and the entire world will see you shine, and will shine through you!
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